What is self-esteem and why is it important? According to Dr. Schiraldi, self-esteem is an accurate, honest, positive opinion of oneself. People with self-esteem are glad to be who they are and do not expect themselves to be perfect. One can acknowledge weaknesses, be determined to improve in those areas, and still accept oneself. Self-esteem is important because it influences our thoughts and behaviors and it correlates to overall life satisfaction.

     Self-esteem is based on three factors that build on each other. The first is unconditional worth. This refers to ones importance and value as a unique person. The second is love. Love is a feeling, an attitude, a decision and is something we learn to do. Love serves as the foundation for growth, which is the third factor. Growth means developing our potential and capabilities. Growth is a continual process if we allow ourselves to be open to it.

     People may struggle with self-esteem as a result of difficult life experiences. Some people have trouble recognizing their unconditional worth as a person and may not have experienced adequate and consistent love. This in turn interferes with their ability to grow and develop. Although self-esteem is generally stable it can fluctuate, which means it can change.

     There are several factors that can influence self-esteem. Since the mind and body are connected, to feel good mentally one needs to take good care of ones physical self. Good sleep, good eating habits, and regular exercise are important. Poor sleep has been associated with unhappiness. It is important to get adequate amounts of sleep (most adults need 8 hrs) as well as to establish regular sleep patterns (go to sleep and wake up around the same time each day). Eating sensibly and including lots of fruits and vegetables is important. Regular exercise is not only good for you, but has been shown to improve self-esteem.

     Another important factor is how we think about things. Our thoughts directly influence our behavior as well as how we feel about ourselves. If we tend to have negative thought patterns this in turn effects how we view ourselves, the world, and our future. Here are some ways to create positive thought patterns thus bolstering self-esteem.

• Use positive self talk (I can do this, I am capable of doing well on this exam, I'm a likeable person so I'll make new friends)
• Replace "shoulds" with "woulds" or "coulds" (rather than I should win this race, tell yourself it would be great if I won this race)
• Avoid all or nothing thinking (if I get below an 85 on this exam I am a failure)
• Watch out for overgeneralizing (everybody hates me, I never do well in math)
• Don't assume (if a friend walks by and doesn't say hi don't assume she is mad at you. Perhaps she didn't see you or is just having a bad day.)
• Avoid labeling (Instead of "I'm stupid" say "that was a stupid thing I did")
• Don't dwell on the negative (look for the good in situations)
• Don't compare yourself to others (another persons contributions and/or actions are not better than yours just different)
• Avoid catastrophizing ("I'll never be able to go on if my boyfriend breaks up with me")
• Accept the positive (if someone compliments your work don't say "it was really nothing" for this discounts the effort you put in. Instead say "thanks" and tell yourself "I do deserve credit for this")

     If you struggle with low self-esteem think about how well you take care of yourself mentally and physically. If you tend to think negatively try some of the above suggestions. Sometimes it is helpful to talk with someone to determine what your thought patterns are and how to effectively change them. Think about calling (x8090) or stopping by the counseling center to make an appointment.